I’ve never had any sort of exfoliation treatment at a spa, but I imagine they generally try to leave one or two layers of skin attached to your body. The ocean’s free treatments, however, are not that kind. I’ve visited the ocean for spa-like treatments before. Once, while surfing in Hawaii, I unknowingly signed up for the “Washing Machine” package deal. Your body is twisted and turned into all kinds of amazing yoga moves right before you are scraped across the ocean floor. The sand nicely removes the top layer of layer of skin leaving you smoother and more evenly toned. The added bonus is, when you are finally violently tossed ashore, you are left with a rejuvenating ‘yey, I’m still alive’ feeling. However, treatments take on a bit more sadistic feel when the ocean bottom is coral.
You could argue that it’s my own fault for snorkeling through a coral bed covered by a mere three-feet of water. But, I think the blame is really on the ocean. It lured me in with promises of easily accessible sea life viewing. Anyway, as if I didn’t already hate the way my legs look in a bikini before ‘coral exfoliation’, they are now attractively spotted with red gashes surrounded by bruises in lovely shades of yellow, green, blue and purple. My favorite is the one on my upper outer thigh. Since it’s a bit swollen, it both calls attention to and accentuates my saddlebags. Oh, and did I mention that I had borrowed the snorkel gear from an attractive man who was reading on the beach chair next to mine? Yep. He either was too nice to say anything or didn’t notice the blood running down my legs as I returned the equipment. Another amazing first impression. Terrific.