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Trust and Balance

Monday, February 16, 2009

I spent my day Friday recovering from Thursday night and Friday night recovering from Friday day.

And, my favorite thing to do on a Friday night at home is to watch Bill Moyers on PBS. Yes, you heard me correctly. Anyway, this Friday he had on the poet Nikki Giovanni. She was amazing. I was so moved by everything she said and loved her poetry. Her latest book is called Bicycles. During the interview, Bill Moyers asked her why bicycles:

“Well, when I grew up, you learned to ride a bicycle by getting on a bicycle. Which means you're going to fall off. And love and life and bicycles are about trust and balance. It's about riding it and believing that this thing that doesn't make sense for you to be on, can move.”

Trust and balance. If I were searchable and had keywords, those would be mine.

…OK…well, I was going to expand on that, but my evening is starting earlier than expected. When faced with blogging vs. showering, I’ll go with showering.

I recently dated this guy who used to irritate me by saying “because I’m a Cancer…” bla bla bla. So, I’ll be irritating and leave you with this: Obviously trust and balance is important to me, because, after all, I’m a Libra.

Here's one of my favorite poems by Nikki Giovanni:


If i can't do

what i want to do

then my job is to not

do what i don't want

to do

It's not the same thing

but it's the best i can


If i can't have

what i want . . . then

my job is to want

what i've got

and be satisfied

that at least there

is something more to want

Since i can't go

where i need

to go . . . then i must . . . go

where the signs point

through always understanding

parallel movement

isn't lateral

When i can't express

what i really feel

i practice feeling

what i can express

and none of it is equal

I know

but that's why mankind

alone among the animals

learns to cry

-Nikki Giovanni

What are you smiling about?

Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Sleep is for weaklings. I've evolved beyond the need. With enough strategically planned shots of caffeine, I can go days without sleep. I suddenly have an extra 8 to 10 hours of free time. Think of all that I could accomplish in that time. I could finally make it through an entire edition of The Economist before the next week's comes. I could update my QuickBooks files. I could open and go through the box labeled 'important' that I packed back in 2001. I could cross off one, maybe even two things on my to-do list. There are so many options.

Unfortunately, sometimes there are kinks to be worked out in the early stages of evolution. For instance, I have uncontrollable hand tremors. That, combined with my dark, puffy eyes makes me look a bit like a tweaker. And, my dream of being a neurosurgeon is probably out. It's a sacrifice. Then there's the little issue that I hate everyone. Everyone. Except you, of course.

I've spent the day waiting for someone to piss me off. Just waiting for a reason to tell someone to fuck off. Yet no one is obliging me. Everyone is being nice. It's so fucking annoying. Even on the Avenue of Roses, drivers were polite. Doors were held open for me. The barista actually smiled. The neighborhood's latest future serial killer wasn't lurking in my bushes. Not even one annoying high school student stepped into the crosswalk in front of my car.

I've squeezed myself into my tightest jeans, slipped on my highest heels and put on my Anna Wintour sunglasses. It's my Super Bitch disguise. I like to look and feel the part. I've spent the last hour sulking at the coffee shop. I'm sitting in the corner giving people the evil eye, hoping they'll bite. But, as of yet, nothing. Maybe I should take off the sunglasses.

In the meantime, I've doodled a lovely little piece of artwork. I think it would look nice screen printed on a t-shirt. I've put a lot of work into it; it's very ornate. And, it makes a nice statement. It says "Fuck You".

So, anyway, everyone is Mr. and Ms. Fuckin' Sunshine today. I guess I'll just have to go home and hate people on T.V. There's no shortage of idiots there. And, possibly, I should rethink my foray into evolutionary advancements.

Oh my gosh, wait! Someone just sat down smacking their gum obnoxiously loud. Fantastic. FANtastic! This could be the break I've been waiting for...