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What are you smiling about?

Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Sleep is for weaklings. I've evolved beyond the need. With enough strategically planned shots of caffeine, I can go days without sleep. I suddenly have an extra 8 to 10 hours of free time. Think of all that I could accomplish in that time. I could finally make it through an entire edition of The Economist before the next week's comes. I could update my QuickBooks files. I could open and go through the box labeled 'important' that I packed back in 2001. I could cross off one, maybe even two things on my to-do list. There are so many options.

Unfortunately, sometimes there are kinks to be worked out in the early stages of evolution. For instance, I have uncontrollable hand tremors. That, combined with my dark, puffy eyes makes me look a bit like a tweaker. And, my dream of being a neurosurgeon is probably out. It's a sacrifice. Then there's the little issue that I hate everyone. Everyone. Except you, of course.

I've spent the day waiting for someone to piss me off. Just waiting for a reason to tell someone to fuck off. Yet no one is obliging me. Everyone is being nice. It's so fucking annoying. Even on the Avenue of Roses, drivers were polite. Doors were held open for me. The barista actually smiled. The neighborhood's latest future serial killer wasn't lurking in my bushes. Not even one annoying high school student stepped into the crosswalk in front of my car.

I've squeezed myself into my tightest jeans, slipped on my highest heels and put on my Anna Wintour sunglasses. It's my Super Bitch disguise. I like to look and feel the part. I've spent the last hour sulking at the coffee shop. I'm sitting in the corner giving people the evil eye, hoping they'll bite. But, as of yet, nothing. Maybe I should take off the sunglasses.

In the meantime, I've doodled a lovely little piece of artwork. I think it would look nice screen printed on a t-shirt. I've put a lot of work into it; it's very ornate. And, it makes a nice statement. It says "Fuck You".

So, anyway, everyone is Mr. and Ms. Fuckin' Sunshine today. I guess I'll just have to go home and hate people on T.V. There's no shortage of idiots there. And, possibly, I should rethink my foray into evolutionary advancements.

Oh my gosh, wait! Someone just sat down smacking their gum obnoxiously loud. Fantastic. FANtastic! This could be the break I've been waiting for...

1 comments to What are you smiling about?:

garrito said...

Yay, Super Bitch is back! It's so Women's Lib meets Dirty Harry.